Trust.

By Matthew Hobson

Trust in God is a common theme heard in church. Trust is the assured reliance on someone or something.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”

(Proverbs 3:5 NIV)

This has been the verse I live by. I do not understand why I was born nonverbal with autism. The odds were so against this happening to me. I often ask myself “Why me?” Why did this happen the way it did? The thing is, I know God has a reason.

Time has taught me that. He has used me to help others who have children disabled with autism. This seems to be my purpose so far. I hope I have more to do in this area. I trust that God will show me the way I can do this. I have no understanding of what lies in front of me, but I have to trust God to show me how to serve others in the best means I have.

I not only have to rely on God, but I have to put my trust in many others.

Due to my disability, I have poor self-help skills. I must depend on others like a little child. Having no way to take care of myself, I have to live in reliance on others. I depend on my mom for so many things. She helps me in my daily living. She has also been the person helping me fulfill my goals in life. Going to college and writing my book have been possible due to her assistance. I hope she will continue to help me. Trusting my mom is possibly second only to my trust in God.

Not only do I have to have confidence in my parents to love me and meet my needs, I also have staff people who must help care for me in the good ways that my parents do. I need to be able to trust them. I have to depend on them to help me in preparing meals, toileting, communicating and almost everything I need. Some staff only have things that they want to do, not always worrying about my choices. That is very hard to deal with.

I have also had wonderful staff who I trust completely, staff who have patience with my difficult behavior. I have seizures and some very difficult behaviors like accidents and making noises. But my staff helps me to be independent on my level. I trust what they teach me and do for me.

Being able to give another person your trust depends on many things.

This is hard to explain. Trusting someone takes time. It happens gradually. Meeting my needs helps to build my trust. Creating more trust involves honesty. I have to believe what a person is telling me if I am going to rely on them. The person must prove to you that he/she thinks of you first. Your wants or needs take priority over theirs. I like to feel like I matter in more ways than just being a “job.”

Trust comes from caring. Cade is one of my staff who now has become more of a good friend. I think I have become more than a job to him. I know I can trust him because I know he genuinely cares that I am okay. Feeling that someone has real concern for others helps me trust them. Everything a person does leads to my personal evaluation of him/her.

Dependence on others is very frustrating.

I just have to trust that I like the things that people choose for me to have or do. I have to trust they have my best interests at heart and will make wise decisions. Since I have no voice without a facilitator and keyboard, I often have to go along with others’ choices for me.

For me, trusting others is not an option. Just like me, most people realize that they can only do so much on their own. Like me, people are dependent on God to meet their needs and lead as He guides all of us through life.

As I am totally dependent on others, we are all totally dependent and need to trust God.

One Response

  1. Wonderful perspective. Your post brings to mind Joni Tada. Her writings might be an encouragement to you. She is a quadriplegic who has grappled with her limitations since her accident as a teenager. She has had to trust God as you are trusting God, and she has had to trust others since she cannot help herself.

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